We had a plumber around today. Zero, Betty and I hid in my room. Zero hid between my legs under the blanket. He was shaking violently, but I cuddled him and he gradually relaxed.
My friend told me I should audition with her while asking me to write a character reference for her to give them. I’d love to, but holy shit I am in no way ready for anything like this. They’re going to be in Melbourne in March. I’m wondering if I should audition just to get a new taste of my dream so I feel more motivated to do something about it. Ugh! The nerves. And I haven’t even made up my mind. I just want to cry.
That’s all I can really remember from that dream now because I had a freaking panic attack in my sleep! It was suddenly not there when I woke up which indicates it was never really there but it felt so real. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I felt like I was going to vomit everywhere because trying to breathe made me choke. My heart was racing, I was sweating, shaking, crying and feeling horrendously claustrophobic even though I was outside in the open. It was so real. My heart was racing when I woke up and I was sweating and gasping for air but my control was back instantly. It was so strange.
I normally have stressful dreams but this has been the worst. Everybody saw it happen. Everybody stayed away from me. The only people who have ever seen it happen in real life (as far as I can recall) are my mum, Marcus and my stepdad, although I don’t think my stepdad ever recognised it for what it was because he never showed any compassion. He just thought thought I was being dramatic. You know, the usual.
So yes. I woke up in the AM like I’d planned before passing out last night, but I’m still not ready to be awake. I feel so drained from that dream. I think I’ll go pee and try to eat an apple before attempting to sleep for another couple of hours. Sleep used to be such an escape when I “wasn’t dreaming” …